During the extended lock down in New South Wales in 2021 I decided I need to chance my focus. I needed to take responsibility for how I was feeling and how I expressed those feelings. I decided to attempt to post something I felt grateful for every day of social media. It ended up being almost most every day until the last day of then big lockdown. around 50 I think. If you want yo read them in order scroll to the bottom of the page and go from there.
October 13th 2021
Reflecting on Gratitude in Lockdown. It’s estimated there are 130 million books still in print with up to 2 million being published every year. Add to that around 50 million people who consider themselves “Content Producers” and we have reached saturation point when it comes to the number of people who believe they have something to say or contribute. In fact I think it’s true to say that we have more information available to us now than at any time in human history. Think of any subject, no matter how obscure and there will be an ocean of information, opinions and disagreements available by a simple google search. In fact there’d so much information that I doubt it could be all read or watched or listened to. My 51 posts are really just another tiny grain of sand on the global beach of blah blah blah. So my final reflection is what’s the point of all this information? Too many thoughts to put it all here but one significant thought is that most of the value of most of the global content is probably for the creators of that content. While we all have more information than ever before I seriously doubt we are wiser than other generations. This is not a criticism at all. It’s just an observation. I’m glad I’ve done my 51 posts and I’m happy a handful of people have let me know they found them helpful. That said, if I’m to be honest the Gratitude Posts have mostly been about me finding my own way. I tend to be an “External Processor” so if it feels like I’m talking to someone or some people I find it easier to work out what I really think, feel and believe. Selfish? Maybe, actually of course it’s selfish but it’s not only selfish. I’m self centred but I’m not only self centered. I’m a little lost but I’m also a little found, a little broken but also a little repaired. I can believe it’s just me who experiences this, and writing these posts has helped me feel ok that I might be in the a tiny minority of people who experience this kind of life. Maybe the posts began with some hope of affirmation from others but it’s ended with something different and for me something good. Many thanks for the comments and notes. Now that we’re opening up from 100 days of lockdown in NSW I’m hoping I can continue to progress!
October 11th 2021
Reflecting on Attempting Gratitude in Lockdown. Postponing the last reflection. We lost a young friend yesterday. It’s not my story to tell but today I’m just sad.
October 10th 2021
Reflecting on Attempting Gratitude in Lockdown. 2 posts to go. Another thing I’ve learned during these posts is the pointlessness of some arguments, especially on social media. I should know cause I’ve had a few. I say some arguments because there are a few that are worth having with some people. During the lead up to the Marriage Equality postal vote I was awash with discussion and arguments about the “morality” of welcoming same sex couples to marry. I found there were 4 basic categories. 1. All for it, about time 2. Don’t care either way3. Non religious opposition mostly older people who had a set code4. Religious people who thought it was against God
I was in category 1 and some of my conversations were with people from category 3 but the vast majority were from Category 4!
There were some pretty awful things being posted as the conservative religious community rallied to vote it down. I had good friends, long time friends who were vehemently opposed to Marriage Equality. I mostly remained patient and persistent but came out of it all feeling like I no longer belonged in the “Church”. No doubt those folks I argued with think I’ve “lost my way as a Christian”. Fair enough. The thing is I felt I actually found my way during that time. In reading my latest book about the first and second half of life I can see it was during the ME debate that I began to enter the second half of my own life. You’d have to read the book to understand it all but it was, in the end a defining few months for me about who I am and importantly, who I am not. Then there’s the exhausting 20+ year argument on Climate Change action. Not defining so much as wounding. So much so that I’ve stepped back from it.
My gratitude posts have helped me learn that there are times when I need to step out of something. Not because I’ve changed my mind but because I’ve wound up in a fruitless and damaging cycle of conflict that is only grinding me down. These 51 days have been a nice break and have helped refill my emotional tank. It turns out that I have an almost unlimited list of things that I’m grateful for. I think I could keep going every day for a very long time. The biggest thing I’m grateful for is the Formation of my Faith over 40 years. Some things remain the same but I have progressed in many ways.
Today I’m grateful for the learning that not all fights are worth having. The fights that are worth having however are impossible to ignore. Perhaps benching myself sometimes is a good idea but only to catch my breath to be ready for the next half.
October 9th 2021
Reflecting on Attempting Gratitude in Lockdown. 3 more posts to go! I have noticed my Gratitude Posts have progressively become longer. Thinking about that over the last few days I think I’ve worked out why! The more I reflect on what I’m grateful for the deeper the memories that emerge. The process of sifting through seems to cause me to think through each memory and more detail returns. I realise the purpose of these posts isn’t to share them with others, perhaps it started that way but it’s become a kind of reflection on my life and where I am now. Another surprising outcome has been the realisation that many things I’m grateful for are not “happy” memories. These are mostly older memories rather than the fresh experiences I think. What I’m learning is all the things that have happened or maybe “most things”is more accurate, over time and years of processing have become experiences I’m grateful for. Not everything but it seems most. I’ve also discovered there are two kinds of memories. The Things I’ve done V The things done to me. After nearly 51 days of this it’s become fairly clear that I am grateful for the things that have been “done to me” rather than the things I’ve “done to others”. It’s a bit too simplistic but it’s been helpful to mull over and has lead me to think that, at least for me, it’s easier to be grateful for others than it is to be grateful for myself. In my ageing brain that translates to a fairly common truth. Forgiving others is easier than forgiving myself. That is Gold and so far the most helpful reflection on my Gratitude Posts. Unfortunately this discovery hasn’t changed my ability to forgive my past mistakes but I don’t think that matters for now. Years ago I learnt a little mantra that’s goes something like “Awareness before Change”. In other words I cannot change something until I become aware of that something. This little bit of emerging awareness has happened because of these Gratitude Posts so while I can’t say I have changed I can say I’ve been becoming a little bit more self aware. Just a little bit, not a lot.
So today I’m grateful I’ve done this exercise and that I’ve stuck with it. I can’t say why I have so that tells me there’s a long way to go before self awareness becomes complete. Actually I really don’t think that’s possible but even a little bit is a whole lot better than being bewildered by my feelings, behaviour and experiences. I’m grateful for the thin sliver of awareness, a little like the very first ray of sunshine at dawn. It’s only tiny but reminds me of how a little night light gives a bit of safety and comfort to a toddler trying to fall asleep in an otherwise darkened room.
October 8th 2021
Reflecting on Gratitude in Lockdown. “Before the truth sets you free, it tends to make you miserable.”(Richard Rohr) I love this quote from Richard Rohr. He’s a Franciscan priest and author and established The Centre for Action and Contemplation in the US. It reminds me of another quote from a documentary on Colin Hays on YouTube. I forget who said it but it was roughly “The pathway to being Invulnerable is to first become completely Vulnerable”. This is one of the reasons I always liked the Catholic process of “Going to confession”I‘d always said that’s one thing the Catholics have over Protestants. I’ve had a few experiences of Confessing over the years. Not in a little booth with a priest on the other side, just with a few people who are close and a couple of times in a therapy setting. The first time I tried the person laughed! Needless to say I repressed any idea of confessing again for a very long time. Funny thing is most of the confessing I’ve done has been about things that happened to me in my growing up years up until about 17. I’d locked them up or pushed them down or whatever you call it but it was just easier to not have it floating around my consciousness. That works quite well but over time it had a bit of an effect on my mental health. The amount of energy it takes to keep things repressed increases with the amount I repress. I think for some of us we can end up kind of “Disassociating”. I don’t mean I developed the disorder so many suffer with, that is a serious disorder that some people suffer and should have all the support possible. I mean the mean the common human mechanism to survive and probably most of us at some point choose disassociation over living with all the painful feelings all the time.
Current culture doesn’t really reward honesty. I don’t mean “Cancel Culture”. That’s a complex thing that has been politicised way to much to talk about, at least for me.
What I mean is the current culture that is not only current I think it’s always been with us.
Humility is not an admired quality. Controversial thing to say but I believe I have proof!
When we greatly admire someone most of us tend to develop the qualities we admire in that person. (There’s an understanding of this in psychology so you can look it up. Maybe look for “Identification”). It’s not always conscious but often just happens. One day we find ourselves sounding and behaving like the person we admire. It’s a healthy and productive human process that aides in us maturing through our our life. So what I’ve noticed is when a person comes into our life who exhibits the quality of humility I’m always impressed. I feel safe in their company because it feels like I’m not being threatened by them and don’t have to increase the walls in fear that they’ll attack in some way. It also builds trust, or is does for me. I’ve also noticed I celebrate their humility and their commitment to truth. I say it out loud!
Ok. So according to my theory if I genuinely admired those people then I’d have developed that quality in my own life. I kind of put humility and truthfulness in the same bag. They’re very similar. Being humble isn’t to do with saying how bad I am, hanging my head and inviting other to throw stones. That is Shame. Shame is a whole different thing that at least from what I’ve seen and experienced is a very complex and potentially harmful thing. Shame tends to keep me in a destructive cycle and, again for me, has no intention of getting resolved. I believe Truth and Humility are not so different and while they can be painful they both, in the end really do set you free. If I was to be honest I think I’d have to say I really like other people being truthful, honest and humble. That’s because it makes me feel better about myself. Well kind of. If all the focus is in someone else’s mistakes I can, for a little while feel safe that no one is looking at me. I understand this might just be me but it’s true and I know it well. I’ve said this kind of thing publicly before, using my usual unhelpfully critical style I’d say something like, “we love it when other people are publicly humiliated because it’s makes us feel superior!” I know, terrible isn’t it. That statement isn’t designed to to evoke humility in others, it’s designed to evoke Shame in them.
During these Gratitude in Lockdown posts I’ve had a few moments when I’ve been honest, maybe even a little humility has been included, just a little.
I’ve received quite a few messages during this time and a couple have triggered a feeling of anger! (I tried typing a few different words to make me sound better but sadly anger is the correct word).
This is what I’m grateful for. I could feel my self wanting to defend and worse attack. It took a little while to dig through those feelings before I could see what was going on. Honestly it was because in my attempts to be honest the deeper psychology was that I was reaching for affirmation. What an awesome thing to learn. I cannot express how helpful making that discovery has been. Right down deep under all the layers I have a hope that “people will like me”, and even better that they’ll tell others how great I am and how much they like me. In the past I would have hated making that discovery unless of course by learning it and telling people about it I could elicit praise. All that is a fairly entangled bunch of feelings and thoughts and even now, as I type I can see that tricky stuff arguing inside to trigger your praise for writing this. I know I “should” feel bad about that but I don’t. The process of learning it actually frees me a little. Only a little, it’s not a one step process. I’m only guessing here but I think truth and humility is a long and possibly never complete journey. My reflection today is this. The daily focus on gratitude has been good for me to help wash out that desire I have to look good and be loved. The further I’ve gone, day after day the less I feel interested in other peoples mistakes. That’s not the purpose I started out with but it’s become an unexpected outcome.
I would need another lifetime to untangle all the threads but I for one do not want another lifetime. I am so grateful that at least during this ever decreasing lifetime I can still make these deeper discoveries and I have hope I’ll make a few more.
Richard Rohr is right.
“Before the truth sets you free, it tends to make you miserable.”
Today I’m Grateful these discoveries are gradually making me less miserable so, and I’m careful about saying this, it’s possible I’m lining up outside the ball park if beginning to experience even just a little bit of freedom. Let’s not get carried away though. There’s still a lot of misery to go! 😂😂
October 7th 2021
Attempting Gratitude in Lockdown. Easy peasy today. I love birthdays so today is fun. As I type there’s a big noise outside our home. Council are digging up our crappy footpaths and replacing them with new ones!! Woohoo. Today I’m grateful for making it this far and especially for the birthday present of the new footpaths! Also for the bag of pressies from Sallie. I’m wearing the socks as we speak.
October 6th 2021
Reflecting on Attempting Gratitude in Lockdown. Just 5 days to go before we “Open Up” from lockdown in NSW. That means 5 more gratitude posts so perhaps I can start reflecting on the process.
August 21st was my first attempt and I’ve probably managed one every day since except for maybe 5 days. That’s nearly 8 weeks or 51 days. My very first attempt gave 3 things I’m grateful for. No tolls, less petrol and I forget the other one!
I first started because I had been aware I’d been posting some quite angry things and had been for a long time. I used to refer to it as “Shouting into the darkness”. I’m not saying those things were wrong or bad but I noticed a few things I didn’t like. 1. It never made me feel better. Not a single time did posting angry things about politics, the church or anything else helped move me forward as a person. Simply put it kind of just increased the angst and unresolved I carry. 2. I never observed it being of any value to anyone who bumped into my grumpy posts. I had some long arguments which is ok but only if it progress people or issues. Perhaps the occasional person liked one of those posts but 99% I felt like it was of little if any value to a reader or to me or anyone 3. Posting a blunt opinion of an issue is a very closed way to approach that issue. It doesn’t really open a door and certainly doesn’t generate open conversation. To be honest my grumpy posts were not really about learning or growing they were about letting out steam from the “pressure cooker”. Not a very effective way to go about that. 4. I didn’t like the effect on me. Like everyone I too have something to contribute to others. Over time I could see I wasn’t contributing anything much by “posting grumpy”. 5. The effect on me Posting Grumpy was to “Increase the Grump” and in the end (at least for me) was inward looking rather than a “Generative” approach.
I’d like to reinforce that I’m not saying that issues I’d posted grumpy about weren’t genuine or that I’ve now changed my mind. It’s not really about that. I believe a fundamental privilege we have, I have, is to advocate for change and speak up especially for people who have little to no voice. I still deeply believe this. However: A long while ago I used to train Youth Workers and Case Workers. I absolutely loved doing that and particularly loved the Socratic or Dialogical approach.
One key point I’d underline over and again is the danger of Youth and Case Workers “using” clients to resolve their own issues. One example I used to use was from my time as an old school ”Street Worker” otherwise technically known as a “Detached Youth Worker”. Spending a large chunk of my time being present in and around the streets providing resources and advocacy for young people who were homeless or isolated and effectively living on the streets. In truth is I was only a year or two away from when I was in similar circumstances as many of these young folks and my many encounters with Police were still raw. One night I intervened in a confrontation between two Police Officers and a group of young guys sitting in a mall. Didn’t think it through, no strategy, unformed values and very little self awareness, in I charged. Bear in mind I was about 18 years old at the time!
I shirt fronted the two officers demanding that they leave these young blokes alone and, this is embarrassing but told these officers that they had no right to ask these young blokes for their names and where they lived. I was a angry and in retrospect I was reliving my own unresolved experiences with police. The Officers were awesome and could see what was going on. They listened, gently corrected me (at the time police had every right to ask for basic information in this situation) and told me they thought is was good to have people speaking up for young people on the streets. No way I deserved that response. Now I see I was unprofessional and completely unaware of my own internal drivers. When training Youth and Case Workers actual social workers generally I used to keep my ear out for anyone stating (with a good deal of energy) that they want to become a social worker to help people. It took a while but eventually I figured out how to communicate the issue with this. The problem with the declaration that “I want this job so I can help people” is simple but incredibly hard to accept. It simply isn’t possible for that to absolutely true or even mostly true. One secret to being a great social worker is to understand your own “Inner Journey” and that to a greater or lesser degree everybody is “broken”. This is not a new idea at all. It sits in the same frame as “The more you know the more you know you don’t know” and “You can’t manage what you can’t see”.
Some if the most brilliant and effective social and community workers I know all have at least one thing in common. They all have an increasing level of “Self Awareness”. They understand and often have regular therapy or supervision to continue that process of become more and more self aware. They learn to be conscious of their own triggers, their own trauma and importantly their own prejudice. They learn how to differentiate themselves from their “clients” (hate that word). I don’t think we ever become fully self aware, at least I’ve never seen it or experienced it. However it is possible to be on the journey and be committed to growing and becoming an individuated person. It’s a process and we all come and go from it.
My mistake in Posting Grumpy was that it was mostly about me, my frustrations, anger and I see now it was a lot about my own trauma. I’ve grown a little over this Gratitude Posting discipline. I doubt it can be rushed and probably comes with making the same mistakes over and again. The good news for me is that it is possible to see myself more clearly and learn to be more and more aware of my own brokenness. I can’t escape the feelings of disappointment with myself for being a Grumpy Poster, it’s a real feeling and based on reality. I know this sounds a little wrong but my path to growth has been in part been significantly about learning and owning that I’m broken and believe it or not the more I understand that brokenness, the more I see and accept that brokenness the less the brokenness interferes with my life and work. Perhaps the biggest hurdle for me is the shame that gets triggered by learning and being open that I am Broken. To borrow a line from one of my favourite ever songs:
“I keep my dirt on the surface so you don’t gotta dig, the people who make me nervous like to cover their sin” (Allan Stone).
I don’t think he’s using the word ”sin” as a theological or religious term, pretty sure he’s just using it as a general term for the messiness and brokenness he see in himself.
Today I’m grateful for those two Police Officers I met when I was 18. Also for the people in my life who inspire me to slowly become a more self aware person. I’m grateful that I’ve grown and I’m especially grateful that even though I turn 57 tomorrow I am, and I still want to be in the early stages of becoming a more integrated person. I Can’t believe I’m saying this but I’m grateful that more and more I can see and welcome the brokenness.
October 5th 2021
Attempting Gratitude in Lockdown. Way back, early in our marriage life we used to believe the you “Should never go to sleep on an argument”. In other words we tried for a long time to stay awake until we could resolve an argument. That led to some very late nights often pushing well into the early hours of the following morning. I used to think there must be something wrong with us because it actually never really worked. we would almost always just give up after hours of ever more confusing and tense conversation. I can’t remember how but at some point we just decided to leave it for now and pick it up the next morning. If I had to guess it would have been Sallie’s idea that we might do better if we had a good sleep. Strangely by morning the big issue from the night before not only didn’t seem so important I often found it hard to remember what it was even about. Even now this is true. I’m sure a few nights back we had a bit of a difficult moment which then led to our now habitual “talk about it tomorrow” strategy and for the life on me I can’t remember what the thing was that caused the tension. Actually some research I’ve read recently explains why it works but I think most don’t need research to tell us why the tireder we get the more cranky we get. It’s certainly true for us. So today I’m grateful for progress. Not all progress is perfect of course but I’m grateful for the capacity to progress, to grow, learn and change how we do things. We do not have to cling to every old saying or proverbial utterance, perhaps they were the best advice at the time but like the idea the earth is flat, which at the time was best practice, it’s possible to learn and progress and let go of old ways of seeing the world that are no longer functional. Also, peeing on Jellyfish stings doesn’t work.
October 4th 2021
Attempting Gratitude in Lockdown. After yesterday’s looong post today it’s shorter. I’m married to the funniest person I know. I’m often the one who has a reputation for being funny but the truth is Sallie is way funnier than I am and writes a lot of my material! I hear her raucous laughter from the other end of the house especially when she’s on the phone to family or friends. Sal has a particular gift at seeing the funny in everyday things and it can’t be ignored that observational humour gets a lot of material from observing her unhinged partner. Over the 40 years I’ve known Sal her razor sharp sense of humour has become an almost mystical gift. No doubt I’ll get a text shortly correcting my spelling which has been a point of her chortling since we started going into together. They were the days of hand written letters and when I was off at bible college I’d write to her every few days usually starting with “Dear Sweaty”. Sal kept those letters, she thought they were “sweet” but most of all she thought they were funny and she still does which is why I get texts after most FB posts with corrections. It remains one of my favourite stories and one of my favorite kind of texts I get. Here’s a photo of her pretending not to have just said something inappropriate that made me lose it while she appears sensible.
October 3rd 2021
Attempting Gratitude in Lockdown. (Too long I know) This morning I was thinking a little about what “Gladys” might be feeling when she woke up this morning. It been a strange time for me. I’ve always voted “left wing” (whatever the that is, I’m not so sure these days). If I’m to be honest, 20 years ago I’d be cheering her departure. I have to own that I’ve said some terrible things about political leaders over the years. Now before I go on I’m still a social justice kind of person. Generally I disagree with the Conservative Political position that the individual is responsible for their own choices and those choices have got us all in whatever position we are currently in. I disagree for lots of reasons but the crux of it is this. We didn’t choose to be born, where, when or who our Parents and siblings and extended family are. We didn’t chose the home we grew up in or the diet we were given or the clothes we wore. We didn’t choose what school we went to or what kind of intelligence we have. Didn’t choose our teachers or neighbour’s or our financial circumstances. We didn’t choose our DNA including any health issues we were born with. We didn’t choose going to church or not going to church. Even our names. Someone else decided what we would be called and how it would be spelt or if and how it got shortened by family or friends. Early on we chose little if anything. That begins to change a little as we get older till eventually we are no longer under having choices made for us. That last bit sounds true but I’ve come to believe it isn’t. Not exactly anyway. By the time we’re 15 or 20 the Foundtions of our character have been well and truly laid. Actually some psychologists I’ve read or spoken with say the foundation is laid way before 15 and that it could be as young as 4 or 5. Whatever the precise age is there’s general agreement that for the most part we a well “baked” by the time we head of on our own from our family home to make our own way. So when I hear someone say “we’ll it’s their own fault, they made their bed and now they have to lay in it”, I find myself begin to want to argue. Of course, in saying this I also believe that if I break the law I should be held accountable. I hate getting speeding tickets but I don’t think it was wrong to get the ticket. Law and order, accountability, consequences and so on are some of the tools that keep our society safe. The bit that I wrestle with is the assertion that we all choose our behaviour with the same resources because we don’t. Some of us have far more resources than others do and I don’t just mean money. I don’t have the answers, not yet anyway. All I can say so far is that we need to find ways of understanding that we all have a foundation we draw from and we’ll all have different options before us and different capacities to access those options. Over the decades I’ve been in social work or community development I reckon I’ve read hundreds of reports, evidence and program proposals designed to address social disadvantage. Hundreds of them. They’ve done research and studied different approaches and put 100’s of millions of dollars into running those programs to “fix” whatever the social problem seems to be. Yet here we are still struggling as a society to know what to do. Those “social and community problems” are still there and in many of not most cases they’re growing. Maybe some would say things would be a lot worse without all those programs and I don’t think I’d disagree so much as feel it’s a hard thing to prove. Right now, this morning at least I’m exploring the possibility that one missing ingredient might be the hardest discipline I know of. Empathy. I’ve seen quite a bit about this lately one in particular has been doing the rounds on the business platform called “LinkedIn”. “The most important skill in leadership is Empathy”. I think this could be true but if it is then we are going to need a new Paradigm not a new program. Huge corporate organisations all over the world contribute 100’s of billions of dollars as part of what they call “Corporate Social Responsibility” or whatever the current term is. (There are a few). I love that they do that and I’m not inclined to criticise those Corporates. Effective or not they are trying. I’m more interested in understanding them and their intentions. In a way I want to have Empathy with them. Same so do for a person stuck in cycles of disadvantage. Same for Gladys I guess. I don’t have to agree with you to want to understand you is I think what I’m reaching for. Sallie and I had an awesome conversation this morning about or 36 marriage and came to an awesome realisation that even though we know each other better than we know anybody else, we quite honestly think we don’t really know each other at all. It’s awesome because if it’s true then we get to spend however long we have left attempting to experience empathy with each other. It’s kind of like the falling in love experience when we first met. This is totally corny and not completely true but I’m wondering if we community development types might need to confront a similar truth. That is in spite of all the data gathering, reporting and planning its entirely possible we don’t really know the people and communities we have spent decades of time and millions of dollars to learn how to support. So I think the spirit of all the books I’m currently reading I’m hoping the the first step in change is acknowledging I have a problem! Today I’m grateful for the emerging realisation that I don’t know anything much at all. I know data and can rattle off stats and so on. I can trick a room of people into thinking I’m an expert but I am genuinely excited with this discovery that I don’t know anything. I’m so deeply grateful that the more you know the more you realise you don’t know. It’s only taken 56 years and 362 days to reach this point which is a lot better than never reaching it at all.
October 2nd 2021
Attempting Gratitude in Lockdown. It’s a little known part of my life but for a little while I saw myself as a singer songwriter. I know, weird. I grew up surrounded by music. My dad was a musician when he was a young bloke and all my brothers were in bands playing in pubs when they were as young as 14 I think. I used to watch them play the guitar in the lounge room and run back to my bedroom and try to put my fingers on the fret board in the same pattern I had seen. Eventually one of them showed me a few chords, probably G, C and D! That’s all you need really. I’d put a record on and for hours make every song a G,C and D pattern as I played along. I was never much of a detail kind of guy so it didn’t matter that the songs I was playing along to didn’t actually have those 3 chords, it was the big picture I loved. I was playing along with Deep Purple, in my room, on my own with no one to tell me I was doing it wrong, I would be transformed into another world. I never really played in bands, something about being grounded in a room with other people got in the way of the “other world” experience I loved. I fumbled along for years playing covers and eventually writing original songs and got to record a few simple albums and even go on tour! Small venues mostly, sometimes a few hundred in a theatre. The truth is I was never a great guitarist or singer or songwriter for that matter. During that time I think I realised I loved spending an hour or two with a crowd in the dark and together finding our way to another world. I loved telling the story of the song more than I did playing the song itself.
That’s all a very long time ago now, I’ve kept a few copies of albums for some reason and even have a poster or two all of which are stored somewhere at home but I’m not 100% sure where.
I don’t think about that very much, when I do it’s a nice memory but not something I need to relive.
Here’s what I’m grateful for. To this day there are some songs that take me away from this present moment and place. It’s not about wanting to escape, I love where I am now. It’s about being able to transcend the present, be loosened from the limitations of this room to be able to see past the horizon. The best part about sleep is the dreams that take you away. I love that in dreams you aren’t restrained by normal things. You can walk through a wall or fly over it or simply appear on the other side and, at least in the dream it makes sense. Walking through the wall doesn’t seem impossible in a dream.
I think life is often restrained by walls and obstacles many of which are in my own mind. “I can’t do that” or “that could never work”, I’m sure you’ll have your own. One the the most annoying things I ever hear is the command from someone saying “Be Realistic”. It took me a long time to understand why that’s so irritating but in the end it’s simple really. Everybody has their own version of reality and every reality is restrained by resources, experience, circumstances, fear and insecurities, friends, family, the list is almost endless.
For me it’s about the internal chaos caused probably by trauma without which I wouldn’t have had to learn to see the horizon and every now and then beyond that horizon.
It’s uncomfortable and I can feel the resistance to say Today I’m grateful for the painful things I carry that have helped me become who I am. Also for music.
October 1st 2021
Attempting Gratitude in Lockdown. Soon we will be opening up from lockdown so my little Gratitude Project will come to an end. I think for the last one I might reflect in what I’ve learned by doing it.
Today though am grateful for my/our kids. Funny calling them kids.
I’ve mentioned this before but it’s come back to me this morning. Recently I’ve had to experience and learn a few things that are quite foreign to me. Not bad things just very different. It’s possible they won’t be aware of this which kind of makes me even more grateful.
Over the last 6 months each of my four adult children have intentionally or not given me extraordinarily good advice. In fact I have a number of times felt mentored by them. They skilfully opened up my mind and heart to some thing or some thought or truth that did the same thing to me as when I read books by Robert Johnson the Jungian author. When I read his books I start having whole new thoughts without meaning to.
Every parent admires their kids so of course that must be part of the equation but it’s not the main thing.
They’re all Millennial’s and of course have less life experience than I do.
It amazes me how the process for being mentored by your own children is possible but I can assure you it is.
My life could be described as one long process of people helping me get wiser, better and more skilled.
Today I’m overwhelmed with the resource my kids are to me and how they are willing to reach out and teach me things.
Many older people say they have all this wisdom that they want to impart in the rising generation. That old saying that “Youth is Wasted on the Young” is wrong and I think it’s just us older people afraid we are not relevant and nobody listens. I think it’s called “Relevance Deprivation Syndrome”. 😃
It’s sad that many of us see younger people ”have a lot to learn”. It’s of course true in many ways but it misses the most important truth. That truth is that all of us have a lot to learn and being older doesn’t mean your wiser and being young doesn’t mean your less wise. Imagine if we all just earned form each other.
Today I’m grateful for my four mentors.
September 30th 2021
Attempting Gratitude in Lockdown. Most, if not all of my gratitude posts have been about positive things. That’s because I felt I needed to move my focus from the difficulties of lockdown mostly for my own sake. This morning for some reason I can’t get the question “What about the trials, are you grateful for the trials”. How annoying!
It’s a small start but I am grateful for my current circumstances. Locked down, no visionary job to do and unsure, to quote Barry Jones “What shall I do”. Well, he said “what shall we do” but it’s close enough. The books I’m reading, the ones I mentioned yesterday have insinuated themselves into my life. I didn’t go looking for them. All of them are having the effect of rattling my foundation or maybe it’s rattling my cage! A cage I have no doubt built around myself. The most annoying thing about learning is that you get to a point where you see as clear as day that you know almost nothing. Decades of training and education and experience, thousands of hours of reading and discussion get you to a point where you are, in a way, empty. The upside is that I’m fairly sure this is supposed to happen. It’s only when I was younger that I thought I knew everything! It hasn’t been a waste though. All those years of certainty were helpful at the time. Long story short: Now that I’m no longer a young person it feels like there’s an opportunity to proceed to a different place. A Less Certain Place perhaps but, and I love this, a far lesser need to Be Certain.
Today I’m grateful for the annoying and difficult truths that enable life transitions.
September 29th 2021
Attempting Gratitude in Lockdown. I’ve been reading Richard Rohr (Falling Upward) Steve Biddulph (Fully Human) and Barry Jones (What shall we do). All are brilliant books and are helping me understand the meaning of the first half of life and the purpose of the second half. Rohr is more theological, Biddulph is more spiritual and Jones is more political. Today I’m grateful for these wonderful people who have stayed the course and are, through their writings and in the case of Steve Biddulph friendship, giving insight into a deeper, purposeful and effective way to live.
September 28th 2021
Attempting Gratitude in Lockdown. I’ve been thinking more about how grateful I am for the “Kindness of Strangers” I’ve experienced over the years. On the way to somewhere or other to do my usual work, I had a stop over in San Francisco. Jet lag is a terrible thing. You fly for 18 hours only to find yourself arriving at the time you left. No sleep on the plane for me. Could never really get the hang of that. So by the time I’d reached my cheap hotel it was getting dark and it’s been over 24 hours since I last woke up. Still I was in San Francisco!! On the flight over I sat near a few locals who gave me the skinny on where to go, what to do and how SF was the best city in the world. They also said it was safe! Settled in to my room, made the free coffee and off I went to explore. It was maybe 10pm by the time I went out and while I was excited I was also a bit of a zombie from sleep deprivation. I love walking with no directions and no plan, I’ve always found it exciting for some reason so I just walked out of the lobby and onto “The Streets of San Francisco” (Ancient tv reference for the old folks reading this). Not sure but I think I’d been walking around for an hour or so when I began to realise everything seemed darker. The street lights were no longer working. That’s when a group of young guys came up behind me and made a comment as they overtook me that I didn’t really understand till later. “Who let the sugar in” one said. They weren’t threatening and don’t make me feel uncomfortable in fact in retrospect I think they were trying to warn me. I kept walking in the the ever increasing darkness way off with the whatever thoughts were keeping me from taking the friendly warning. I didn’t even see the huge guy leaning against the wall. I certainly heard him though. In a big deep and firm voice I heard “You got no business going in there”. It was enough to stop me in my tracks. I turned to my right and said “what’s that mate?” Seriously clueless to the situation I was about to get myself in. Again with an authority than only James Earl Jones voice could have, “Nothing but trouble down there”. That was enough to snap me out of my fog. I looked up and down the street about a block. It wasn’t till later I was told I had walked into the edge of an area they called “The Tenderloin” and according to the hotel receptionist had I kept going there was a good chance I wouldn’t have returned. You can look up the area on google but, at least back then it was a high crime area with a very high murder rate. I bolted back to my hotel and hid in my room. Adrenaline I assume had kicked in so suddenly no jet lag at all. I’ve never forgotten that night, those young people who tried to warn me and that giant voice that saved me. There’s a lot of opinions about crime, poverty and neighbourhoods like that. TV shows would have you believe they lay in wait for unsuspecting tourists wandering into danger and ending up in a dumpster.
Perhaps there’s some truth in some of that but it’s not my experience. That night a stranger, who I assume was a lookout of some kind, protected an idiot tourist to self absorbed to be aware of the danger approaching. I’ve never been back to that area but I’ve always wanted to. Ridiculous I know but I’d like to find that guy and thank him for looking out for me.
Today I’m grateful for a lot of things that I might not have experienced had thoseBoys and that man not been so kind. I don’t know his name but I sure remember his voice.
Grateful for the kindness of strangers.
September 27th 2021
Attempting Gratitude in Lockdown. Yesterday I was feeling grateful for all the corporate friends I’ve made. This morning I was flicking through some older photos and bumped into one of a guy called Rai Thistlethwayte. There’s a good chance many of you won’t know his name? Rai came to my attention as the singer in the Aussie band Thirsty Merc. A few years back I had an opportunity to host an national talk back radio program. For 3 hour on a Sunday night we’d play music and interview whoever we could find and talk about a range of things. Often it didn’t amount to much, no big surprise, some famous people seemed to have gotten famous before they’d had the opportunity to work out their life philosophy. But there were some stand outs. Nicolas Sparks the author was a surprisingly well thought through guy, Hugh McKay knocked my socks off with his insight in Australian society. However two of the most interesting interviews I ever did were with Australian musicians Tania Doko from Batchelor Girl and Rai Thistlethwayte. Today it’s Rai I’ve been thinking about. I have a feeling the song In The Summer Time had been very successful on our charts (love that song) a few years earlier but whatever the case he was next up on my rundown for that nights interview. Apart from knowing the music I hadn’t done a deep dive into Rai but the 40 minute interview has never left me. Most “rock singer interviews” are short and to be honest a bit pointless, at least they are to me. FM radio still do them I guess for publicity? Right from the first question “how’d you get into music” this guy blew me away with his generous honesty. We talked philosophy, politics, life, music, influences pretty much everything. He was well educated both formally and from his own reading,reflection amd hard work and very clear in where his musical influences came from. Jazz and Blues amongst others. Rai was what I would call a high end musician. He knew and understood the process of making music including being able to play any instrument write arrangements, understood classical and other less “cool” kind of music. With all that it was his willingness to engage, be honest, answer a deep question and then fire one back and actually reflect amd grow as we spoke. It’s possible but unlikely all those interviews are stored on a hard disc somewhere but it doesn’t matter to me. I still carry the influence of that 40 minutes with me to this day. We’re not friends, he wouldn’t remember that interview and certainly wouldn’t have a clue who I am.
Today I’m grateful for Rai Thistlethwayte and how he still reminds me that it’s possible to push past the surface and find our way to deeper truths by opening ourselves up, being willing to change and not letting my superficial, poorly informed “opinion” of others keep us apart.
September 26th 2021
Attempting Gratitude in Lockdown. A long time ago when I was still figuring out how to best use websites and infotech in our work I spent a day at the San Francisco Google campus . A friend of a nephew new a guy! I wasn’t allowed to take photos inside but it was an amazing day and shaped some of how I see work, teams, vision and mission. It was everything you hear about, a kind of self contained world brimming with enthusiastic young people meeting in purpose built little spots with strange but comfortable seating. Restaurants with no cash registers and all kinds of staff luxuries available to anyone. They worked for it though. Long hours and intense operational pace. Eventually I sat down with a senior person who to my mind couldn’t have finished high school yet! I’m sure he was older than he looked. I had no idea what I wanted to ask this guy so when he said ”how can we help you” there was a pause. I figured I’d never be back so this would be my first and last chance to learn and share a vision. We talked for a couple of hours mostly about how to make the world a better place. Smart guy. He really understood the responsibility of big tech especially the social responsibility. Even so I could see it wasn’t an easy thing to address. How can a world changing company with what seemed like infinite resources and growing every day be a force for good and not just profit. There’s a lot of criticism of big tech and so there should be. That day though I experienced the sincerity of people and the clear and genuine hope that, at least this guy and many of his coworkers had that working there could me more than just a job. No idea where he ended up but I know that time with him shaped my early thinking around “Corporate Social Responsibility”, Triple Bottom Lines” and “ESG.”A lot of people in my line of work have a healthy distrust of the Corporate World, some even see them as just a bit of an ATM to help fund their work. I do understand that but it’s always been different for me. I’ve had a bit of an affection for the people I’ve met behind the big logos. Mostly they are great people with good hearts who want to make a difference. They work long hours and try to balance work, family friends and the many other things we all have to hold together. I’ve always had this idea that part of the problem is our society is a little bit disconnected from one another so we tend to develop unhelpful attitudes towards anyone who is different or in different circumstances. So while there are many things to be concerned in the world of big busines, big tech and big money generally I‘m grateful I’ve had the privilege over the years to have made many fiends and supporters in those behemoths.
Today I’m grateful that it’s possible to work around my own prejudice (I have plenty) to see the people behind the logos.
September 25th 2021
Attempting Gratitude in Lockdown. Many years ago, right in the middle of a significant transition I was feeling very disconnected. New role and new city I wasn’t feeling like I belonged. I was also coming and going from various countries as part of the international work which sounds cool but all the time zone changes and long hours contributed to that feeling of being isolated. My life long “companion”, depression began to insinuate itself making every day feel like wading through sludge. I had just returned from a two week work trip to the UK and Canada which had been great but brutal. Long uncomfortable flights arriving without any sleep and taken straight to the venue where in a few hours we were starting teaching a weeklong training course. At the end of the week straight to the airport and off to the next country repeating the same event. We had and arvo off in the UK and an old friend told me that just around the corner lived the actor behind a family favourite “Mr Bean”. Perhaps it was the heartache being separated from Sallie and our young children but I felt a sudden almost overwhelming attachment. Sal would always put a few photos of the family in my carry on bag just to make sure I had something with me to help on the long trips. I took one out and on the back write a note to this actor. I have a feeling it was an intense thank you for his show and the joy it had given our family. Popped it in an envelope and my friend, who had met this actor a few times volunteered to drop it off in his letter box. Weeks later I’m back at my office struggling with the feelings of depression and disconnection when our receptionist dropped one of those yellowish A4 business kind of envelopes on my desk. Another thing to read I thought. It had a UK post mark and didn’t feel like it had another 40 page report inside. In fact it felt like it had almost nothing inside. I opened it up and pulled out the photo you can see below. How is it possible that from the other side of the world weeks after I’d dropped off my little note that this gift could arrive at exactly the right time. Just in the moment I felt like giving up. It’s just a photo and a note but in my vulnerable mind it felt like I was being lifted. It didn’t fix everything but gave me encouragement to keep going. It still hangs on our wall years later. Not in a public place just in a spot I walk past every day and this morning I stopped and re-read the note and felt grateful for that moment and every moment someone somewhere took a few minutes to do something kind and encouraging for me. Rowan Atkinson isn’t my friend, we don’t stay in touch in fact he’s a stranger but for some reason he took a few minutes and made an effort to post this off to me. Today I’m grateful again for the kindness of strangers.
September 24th 2021
Attempting Gratitude in Lockdown. Today I’m grateful for Sallie. Lately I’ve been watching her have kind of “adopted grandma” FaceTime chats with a couple of young ones of friends stuck in lockdown. I love the way Sals face lights up and rather than a quick hello Sal has these long conversations that include reading story’s, learning how to do the splits and discussion on dolls and general toy management. I only catch snippets but what I see is the value of inter-generational connection.I’m grateful for Sal and her never ceasing commitment to supporting and loving families.
September 23rd 2021
Attempting Gratitude in Lockdown. Little things and big things to be grateful for but today it’s “Generativity.” According to the development model I mentioned yesterday a person gets to a point in their life where, roughly one of two things happens. Generativity v Stagnation is the technical term.
Stagnation happens for a range of reasons. Chief among them is we get to an age or place in our lives where we are kind of stuck repeating the same behaviour or perhaps the same life. Perhaps lose our sense of adventure, cease to desire to learn and get stuck in the proverbial rut. I think what might be happening is our thoughts turn inward and our focus is on our own happiness. Austrian Psychotherapist, responsible for “Logo Therapy” thought human beings do better when they have an external purpose that kind of pulls them forward. It might not be the whole picture but it makes sense to me. I’ve loved having a bit of a break from work and found joy in gardens and silversmithing. Caught up on a few movies and learnt to make pizzas from scratch. Even then though most of the joy comes from making pizzas for others. Same as the silversmithing. It’s just wonderful to make things for people and see them enjoy wearing it. Even with that I can see the danger of stagnating and turning inward. It may look attractive but I can feel that sense of boredom that comes not from having nothing to do but boredom from a missing sense of external purpose.
Generativity is defined as the following. “Generativity is the propensity and willingness to engage in acts that promote the wellbeing of younger generations as a way of ensuring the long-term survival of the species.”In everyday language it’s that desire many people have to “Give Back”. It means we begin to look outward and rather then be career focused your attention shifts to those who are starting out on their journey. I’ve had a few younger people call me lately. They ask advice but actually what seems to happen is they just need a safe place to kind of ”think out loud”, usually they can work it out for themselves but need a sounding board. Often the mistake we can make is thinking that because we’re older and more experienced Giving Back means telling people what to do and imposing our own views and opinions on unsuspecting younger people.
I‘m not 100% sure but I think that runs the risk of it being more about you than it is about supporting others. It feels good to be the “wise one”, the font of all knowledge and dispensing that knowledge and experience is really about filling a bit of an existential vacuum.
So my gratitude today, what I’m really thankful for is the next generation coming up behind me. They are awesome and so much more advanced than I ever was at their age. I’m grateful I can see the most important part of Generativity is continuing to learn and grow and simply being available to others who could use someone to knock around ideas and challenges and who resist the ever present temptation to use them to make us older folks feel important.
Bring on the Millennials, Gen Z and what ever they calling the rising generation now.
Feel free to contact if you ever need a sounding board.
September 24th 2021
September 22nd 2021
According to adolescent developmental psychologist Erik Erkson, “The more you know yourself, the more patience you have for what you see in others.” I think there’s a lot of truth in this. We tend to judge other people by their behaviour but judge ourselves by our intentions. You can see the problem with this. Until we really know the other person all we have to go on is their behaviour. Our car was stolen one night along with a few other possessions. They were soon caught by the police and eventually we were offered the opportunity to meet with one of those who stole our car. It’s what’s known as a “Youth Justice Conference” and is convened by a trained person and has the victims of the crime, the perpetrator and various support people for both sides along with a police officer and youth support worker. All parties sit in a circle and both the victims and the perpetrator tell their story. Questions are permitted and the hope is that while there are still consequences there is a possibility of healing. Sallie and I were more than willing and so the conference took place. We shared our story and the effect of the robbery on us. We then got to here the story of the 14 year old who stole our car. Up until that moment the only data we had was our car had been stolen by him. We listened to his story and gradually we’re able to see not just the behaviour, we began to see the person. It was profound. At the end of the conference we took the convener aside and asked if we were permitted to invite the young man and his family to our home for dinner. It took a few moments for him to understand what we were asking, it seems it was the first request of its kind. Our request had to go through channels and get approved by all the various layers but eventually the night arrived and he and his family spent an evening with us in our home, around our table eating and talking together. We became friends. Erik Erickson was a hero of mine. I loved learning his theories and enjoyed teaching them to others. It wasn’t until that night I actually experienced his theory from the quote above. In retrospect I’ve come to learn that theories, philosophy and ideology don’t really change much of anything. It’s only when I experience the things I say I believe that it moves from theory to practice, it’s only then that I change. Until then it remains just a theory. Aristotle said something along the lines of “All behaviour is caused”. In other words the behaviour is an outcome of something else, perhaps a symptom is another way of looking at it. It’s possible this is why judging people from a distance, or worse based on another person’s opinion of someone’s behaviour is such a bad idea. I do it for sure. I have opinions based on things I’ve heard, articles I’ve read and social media I’ve seen. I’d like that to change. Today I’m grateful that I an continue to learn my own story. To learn about the “causes” that produce my behaviour, the good the bad and the downright mysterious. No idea where that ends but for now it’s a good journey to be on. Photo: Adolescent Development Psychologist Eric Erikson.
September 21st 2021
Attempting Gratitude in Lockdown. I see some light at the end of the lockdown tunnel. There are going to be a lot of pieces to pick up as we emerge from the pandemic. Perhaps even some change in the way we see one another. The old ways have been challenged and I hope we can progress into new and better ways. One thing we’ve seen is that while Individualism certainly works well for a few people it doesn’t work well for a society. We have moved through this pandemic Together. Maybe not all of us and certainly not perfectly but mostly we have. The old punitive way of providing income security has had to be put aside. Instead of giving people so little income support we increased payments to everyone and low and behold Tassie reported less and less children in poverty and we know that makes for a better future for all of us. I also see and hear a different way of seeing the place of business in our society. Everywhere I look I see all kinds of folks very concerned about the detrimental effects on small business and the desire to see them supported by all of us. I see many huge Corporates step up and use their resources to support vulnerable people and communities. I’ve had phone calls with executives expressing their deep concern for communities suffering with disadvantages they themselves have never experienced. I see people with very little reaching out to support others. Long phone calls and zoom chats if they have access to the internet. I know of care packages zipping around between households even when those households are struggling to get by.
I’ve had personal phone calls from successful business owners, corporate leaders and even politicians just to check in to see how I’m going.
Sadly we usually see the rotten stories about a few big Corporates taking Job Keeper even though they didn’t need it and then refusing to pay it back. They certainly exist as do a few people taking selfish advantage of income support but neither of these give a truthful picture of what’s really going on.
I’m quite capable of pretty ordinary behaviour myself. So I’m not in an ivory tower when I think about these things. What helps me be a better, kinder and generous person isn’t so much my own effort, it helps but it’s only part of it. The biggest thing that helps me be better is being surround by others attempting the same thing. It’s far easier to be grateful when I’m surrounded by others who are grateful. When I’m in a roomful of people offering to donate money to a cause it’s almost impossible for me not to join in.
Today I’m grateful for all the people around me who help me be a better person. Family, friends neighbour’s, cops, barista’s, checkout workers, garbos, posties, pollies and more. All of these I’ve had contact with over the last 18 months and all have added “betterness” into my life.
I’m hoping a couple of them might feel I’ve helped with a bit of betterness for them as well.
So while there’s no such word as “betterness” sometimes we need to find new language to describe new possibilities.
September 20th 2021
Attempting Gratitude in Lockdown. An early start today. Must have fallen asleep early. These days I seem to nod off before 8pm! That’s a long way from the days I used to work on things till 2am. I once wrote a casework philosophy and practice manual most of which was done offer midnight. I’d still be happily at work by 8am ready for a full day of meetings, phone calls and emails. It all changed when for some reason I decided I wanted to be a morning person. I started dragging myself out of bed at 6am, then 5:30 and going for a walk. The walks became a gentle jog and eventually became a morning run. My entire life I’ve always hated the idea of going for a run and would often see people on their morning run and think “no way would I ever do that.” For about 2 years I continued the early mornings and the eventually 10k a day run. Naturally at the 5k mark I’d stop for coffee and read the paper. Somethings don’t change.
I’ve come to believe two things about personal change. The first thing is that in terms of our essential nature I don’t see much of any change. The early experiences, good and bad seem to be embedded in my character. Now if that’s all there was to it there wouldn’t be much hope for me. The good news is the second thing I believe about change. While the good and bad things that have shaped me and my consciousness and cause all kinds of internal churning I also believe and have experienced the possibility of change to the framework or perhaps another term is the “scaffolding” around me. The habits, attitudes, belief systems that I can build around my “soul” (if that’s the right term) can gently keep memoving in a direction that makes me a happier and more effective person. The challenge in these things, the scaffolding that holds me together and keeps me in a better place will, at least in my experience need to undergo changes as years pass. Right at the peak of my 10k runs I began feeling ever increasing pain in my hips and knees and, long story short all that processed till I was diagnosed with arthritis. No biggy, every second person you meet has arthritis. Mine just kept spreading until I couldn’t run and a few years later went through a patch where I regularly used a walking stick. By then it has progressed into my spine and neck, pretty much everywhere. So life had changed a lot but not because I’d made conscious choices it was simply a progression. I really missed running and listening to music or podcasts in my headphones. It took time but eventually I found things I loved to replace the daily runs. I know this doesn’t make immediate sense but I took up learning how to be a Silversmith, albeit an amateur one. Building gardens is another part of my scaffolding, which I also love. I changed. The other huge part of my scaffolding has been my work. Broadly I’ve had two jobs in my life, the first was 33 years with Fusion doing all manner of roles and the second was with JSS. Both are wonderful organisations and both I loved and both filled me up with purpose.Today I’m saying thank you for the 40 years of purpose that provided a strong and meaningful scaffolding around an otherwise damaged soul. I’m grateful for the possibility of change and how life long progress can enable a person to have a fulfilled life. I may not ever go for morning runs again and I’ve moved on from the two precious organisations that have given me so much however it doesn’t end there. I’m grateful for the discovery that I am able to continue toprogress and rebuild my scaffolding until the day I’m, (as my grandfather used to say) pushing up daisys!
Here’s to the possibility and commitment to grow, to change, to progress.
Also for coffee, not everything has to change!!
September 19th 2021
Attempting Gratitude in Lockdown. This is a photo of one part of our garden. When we first got this place there was a single struggling plant on the left. Over the years We’ve planted and watered and replanted and hoped. Now it’s a beautiful little oasis and spring is here! I love it all and now it’s the last phase of development. The lawn you can see has been a 3 year project. It’s still got gaps in it where those nasty prickly weeds keep appearing. I keep having to crawl around digging them out and sometimes spraying them. Then another box of lawn seed and top soil and fingers crossed. This is the best it’s ever looked but if you look closely it still needs another couple of springs to become a full lawn that you’d be happy for kids to run around on. I’m not the worlds most patient person, I’d have preferred I use turf and just get it done. The older I get the less time I have which you’d think would make me even less patient, strangely it has the opposite effect. Today I’m grateful that less time I have the more I want to enjoy the process rather than the outcome. That said this lawn has another year, maybe two but if it doesn’t get its act together I’ll be laying down bloody turf.
September 18th 2021
Attempting Gratitude in Lockdown. Back on books again. Two books that seriously shaped how I see the world. 1. The Road Less Traveled. Basic message: Love is not about feelings it’s about action. “Love is extending yourself for the sake of another person”. 2. Bowling Alone. Basic message: human being do better in community but our connectionshave been breaking down for decades. Today I’m grateful that these authors made the effort.
September 17th 2021
Attempting Gratitude in Lockdown. During this extended lockdown my little project @redeemedbydave has been a bit on hold. Markets are of course are closed so no opportunity to sell the silver plated jewellery on Saturdays. It kind of takes the edge of the urge to create. I’m not sure what it is but there’s something about people wanting to part with their hard earned cash to purchase something I’ve made that feels wonderful. I don’t think it’s about the money, maybe it’s the affirmation? I also have an Etsy shop where people can buy my jewellery on line. It’s slow but every time a sale happens it has a similar effect. When a sale happens I get an alert on my phone and I could be imagining this but the alerts seem to pop up at just the right time. Just when I’m having an iffy day or not feeling so inspired it feels like right then, Pop goes the notification! I love packaging them up and getting Sallie to write the addresses. If I write it the postie would never be able to read it! Today I’m grateful for Etsy and the little shop that gives me a little boost just when I need it.
September 16th 2021
Attempting Gratitude in Lockdown.
I’ve been re-reading a bunch of books lately most of which I picked up at airports over the years. I used to have a rule that whenever I was passing through an airport I’d invest in my professional library. Once I was on board my hope was I’d read the book before we landed. Honestly it was a battle between books and movies!
I learnt to always have a highlighter or pen to underline the bits that stood out. After you’ve read enough books it becomes clear that many have one or two good ideas that become the takeaway. In fact there’s usually a paragraph or two that pretty much captures those ideas and the rest is mostly just unpacking it. I have one book I bought just because of its title and to this day the title has been my only take away. The name of the book is: “What got you here won’t get you there”. Totally loved that and it remains part of my progressive framework. All these years later (about 15 years ago I bought it) it’s still front and centre in my mind. My last 40 years of community development and leadership work has been has a kind of “Kinetic Operator” ie creating energy through my own movement. I’ve loved all of it, well most of it, ok a lot of it. Now I’m 56 I feel inspired to continue to progress. It’s time to progress from being a “Kinetic Energy Operator” to a “Potential Energy Operator.” Time for me to work more in the background supporting, mentoring perhaps coaching others who would value that support. I hope I can use my 4 decades of front line experience to be a bridge between those who have resources and those who are under resourced and need backing. Not sure if there’s actual employment doing this but it’s so interesting and loaded with potential I don’t think I have a choice. I guess sometimes progress requires taking risks. How cool would it be to spend all that stored up experience and knowledge l, failures and successes to back and support others!
Today I’m grateful for continual progress in my Faith, my Profession, my Theory of a Change and, maybe best of all my identity.
I am so grateful that I can see “What got me here, won’t get me there.”
September 15th 2021
Attempting Gratitude in Lockdown. This is a photo the girls holding the round number of a Guinness world record achieved by my long time and best friend Rod Walker along with the world record of most consecutive rounds he also raised about 200k for Sallie Hammonds life long work supporting families. Today I’m grateful I sat next to Rod at a fund raiser and immediately became friends. My friendship with Rod has taught me many things. Like how big companies are really just made up of thousands of people most of whom care about social justice. Probably chief among them is the knowledge that people from very different walks in life can bond over common values. I’m grateful for learning that it’s possible to connect very different parts of our society and that if we can see past the superficial differences we can find deep and life changing connection.
September 14th 2021
Attempting Gratitude in Lockdown. When we first moved into our little house in Bidwill there were two plants. One the front yard and one in the back. Over the years I’ve planted about 300 plants of all kinds. A lot of them died cause I’m not much of a gardener but I am persistent. 15 years later we have a beautiful green belt around our home and last night it rained! Live it when it rains. Today I’m grateful for my first plant sponsor Sue who sent me the first shipment of plants from her nursery. Not sure how many survived but she gave me my start.
September 13th 2021
Attempting Gratitude in Lockdown.
For some reason I’ve been thinking a lot about my early years. I suspect it’s because I’m in a bit of a life transition. Mostly I’ve been thinking about things when I was 16/17. I think it was a fairly important time and shaped at least some of who I am now. Back then I lived in Launceston and as far as I can remember I’d never been to Hobart. My fist trip down there was with my group of unusual friends and we went down for the weekend to see a friends band play. They were called “Ex Catholics”, a 3 piece punkish/rockish kind of music. Loud party band. They were awesome! Friday night done! Saturday came around and by afternoon I hadn’t eaten since we left Launceston and was hungry enough to eat anything. We all stayed in someone’s terraced house, two of them actually. . I went next door to see if there was food somewhere. There was a group of guys I’d never met but were in Hobart for the same reason I was so we were all part of the same crowd. I wandered in and asked if there was any food around and they said there was a lot of soup in the stove. Awesome! Got myself a bowl full and sat down and tucked in. Awful soup, I mean really awful but I was hungry and didn’t want to be rude. I managed about half the bowl when one of the guys interrupted and said “hey you know that’s mushroom soup right?” I knew exactly what he meant and feeling embarrassed said “yea, of course”. I should have known just by looking at it. I’d never tried Magic Mushrooms but I’d seen them and helped a friend harvest some once. MM have something called Psilocybin in them which is a natural but powerful psychedelic and when taking in a bowl of soup has no control in terms of how much you take. I finished up and went for a walk and back to the house. I’d never been interested in taking Trips. Some friends were but the stories I’d heard were pretty scary and back then there wasn’t the skills we have now. No quality control, no “micro dosing” more of a lucky dip I think. Gradually the soup began to have it effect and to be honest it felt pretty good. In fact it felt great. A party was underway and the house was full of all kinds of alternative kind of folks filling up all three levels of the old terraced house we were staying in. Just as I was feeling awesome and relieved that this wasn’t as scary as I’d heard things took a terrible turn. I wandering through the house when I saw myself in a mirror right next to a doorway and suddenly the Psilocybin kicked in. Instead of seeing my own reflection I saw a member of my favourite band staring back at me. Gene Simmons in his old make up. Not so bad until as real as I sit here and type his jaws opened up and lunged forward out of the mirror at me. It was terrifying, not cool not awesome nothing but terror. I ran but everything was changing and turning into frightening things anywhere I looked. There are gaps in what I can remember but I found myself running out of the house. The party had spilled out into the street, I past them all and next I remember a cars screeching brakes and people from the party grabbing me and dragging me off the road. It was close enough that one of them had their hands on the bonnet of the car. Two guys, hippy types and strangers to me took me inside the house and sat me in the floor of the longe room. Most people seemed to leave the room and suddenly I could hear Miles Davis on the record player. I think one of them had purposefully put it on. They both sat on either side of me on the floor of that lounge room and began to say a string of calming things. Over and over with Miles Davis filling the room these guys just dug in and stayed with me, repeating phrases, peaceful things. They had me wedged in between them in a firm but comforting way. Slowly I began to settle, I began to feel safe and while the hallucinating continued it changed to peaceful, gentle things. Hours must have past one the lounge room floor, honestly I have no real idea how long it was but it must have been around 10pm when the house began to empty and everyone was heading of to see “Ex Catholics” play their second night. Ther would have been at least 50 of us in the group that weekend and it seemed everyone knew I’d experienced what they called a “bad trip”. Person after person, checked up on me, most of them were a little familiar but not close friends. Still they knew and showed concern and kindness. For the rest of that weekend I was never left alone. Without being overly dramatic I might not have survived that weekend. It was the kindness of strangers that kept me alive. A bunch of drug addled hippies saw what was happening and took action. Even as I type I feel a deep sense of gratitude for them all but especially those two guys who sat with me for hours. I can’t remember who they were and as far as I know never got the thank them. All these years later I still have a tear or two reliving that night and the kindness of strangers, people who would be frowned on by many. I think that experience has shaped how I see people from a “non neat and tidy life”. Perhaps it helped me feel connected to people who are not so appreciated in much of our society. I don’t love them because I’m a naturally good person. I think it’s because I experienced something with them. (Strangely I have the same connection with people from very different sides of life).
So I’m grateful for the strangers who saved me and cared what happened to me. I’m grateful for the realisation that once you experience love, and that’s what it was, from a group of people the way you see them changes and they cease to be a threat. Maybe that’s why I’ve been wrestling with the urge to connect different parts of our society? Dunno.
Today I’m grateful for Hippies and also Miles Davis.
September 12th 2021
Attempting Gratitude in Lockdown. Anyone who has known me for any length of time would know I have times when I am furious about certain things and now and then I get all grumpy on social media. Pretty much there are two things that ‘trigger’ something in me that just roars to life and ends up with me posting some fairly angry things, sometimes maybe a bit to angry. The first thing is roughly speaking, Christian entities saying stuff that I find Anti-Christian. Of course this doesn’t make me right, I’m full of my self but I’m not a narcissist. It’s simply that my 40 year faith journey has consistently found that stuff infuriating. ACL would be the perfect example of the kind of organisation. One day, if I am able to, I’d like to write some kind of document that explains what I believe and why if only for myself. The second thing that ‘triggers’ me is pretty much anything that attacks very under resourced people and communities and broadly anyone who is marginalised. It’s not rational, something just explodes inside. I wish I could claim it was, (as I heard someone say last week) “righteous anger”. Maybe there’s a bit of that but honestly it comes from my own damaged soul. I think I’m really just defending my own childhood experiences. Now the nuclear explosions, the times I’m almost unable to control what I say or write, the thing that triggers me most is when both these things are combined. When Christian Orgs or people go after others who are marginalised in our society. Sadly it’s mostly (that I’ve seen) LGBTQI+, women having the right to choose and people who are struggling in a cycle of poverty.
I know this didn’t sound like a point gratitude. Honestly when I started typing I wasn’t sure myself, I just felt like I should. So here it is. When I was around 16/17 I found myself living in amongst, what was called then in Tassie, “The Gay Community”. I forget how but my housemates and friends were all somewhere in the LGBTQI spectrum. For about a year I was kind of taken in and looked after. There were some men who were probably in their 20’s and who frequently experienced abuse, verbal and physical. I remember them finding safety together and looking out for each other. I was a bit of a mess at the time. I think I had lost any sense of identity. These folks took me in and looked after me for a long time. I felt so connected that I felt like I really belonged. I still remember a conversation with a few of these guys, it stared out as chats usually do, just regular stuff but before long I was asking how and when they knew they were gay. I was building to a point where I wanted to ask them if they thought I was as well. I mean I felt like I belonged and I loved them all so it made sense. The fact that I was attracted to females should have been the sign but I think underneath I was just longing for somewhere to belong. I’ll never forget them listening intently and letting me just babble on until I finally ran out of things to say. They kind of looked at each other and smiled, kindly as I remember and told me, in an absolute kind of way, “Dave, you’re about as straight as they come”. My first feeling was of disappointment I think because I felt this was another place I didn’t belong. But something else happened next. I had an overwhelming feeling that I did belong with these folks contrary to the popular narrative way back then, this little community welcomed and celebrated anyone. Today I’m grateful for that year of being supported to begin to discover who I am and what I would do. It was only the start But it sent me on a lifelong journey that framed the way I understand my Faith, my Values and my Purpose.
September 11th 2021
Attempting Gratitude in Lockdown. Easy one this morning. Sallie found me some Carolina Reapers for my pizza making. Next Thursday is gunna be the hottest Bidwill Burners ever.For the uninitiated. The Ghost Chilli’s I use now measure 1 million of the Scoville Scale. To give you a comparison the average Jalapeno is between about 2500 and 8000 on that Scale. The Carolina Reaper is currently the hottest chilli in the world and weighs in at a staggering 2 million on the Scoville Scale. So Pizza Night is Thursday night. I’ve already booked a plumber for Friday morning to cokes and fix our drains.
September 10th 2021
Attempting Gratitude in Lockdown. A bit late posting today. That’s because I slept in! Woohoo.
Lately I’ve been thinking about my “career”. I am officially unemployed now and feeling strangely ok about that. I’ve been looking back at the nearly 40 years of living and working in what I call “Under Resourced Communities”. (Didn’t like calling communtities or people disadvantaged. Don’t know why but it didn’t sit well. I’ll probably change it again when it get used in a pejorative way, which it will I’m sure). Most of us at sometime or other have experienced being Under Resourced. There are lots of ways and lots of times it happens. These are just a few of the ways I’ve seen. Financial, education, skills, family, geographic, emotional, psychological, connection, networks, transport, health, awareness, friendships, physical, spiritual, power and influence. I’m sure you can think of many others. When I’ve been Under Resourced it has affected me in lots of ways from anger and frustration to sadness and despair. It’s quite possible to overcome one of these, even a couple. I’ve seen it happen and I’ve experienced it myself. The thing I’ve had to learn is for some people it’s more than a couple they will have to overcome. It’s many.
This is a foundational understanding for me. I know heaps of great people who have experienced a lack of resource in one area or another and have been able to fix it. This is great but becomes a problem when they think this means “If I can do it, anyone can do it, they just need to try”. I can’t express how wrong headed this is. I’ve had a few of the list above. I’ve always had a lack of resource in mental health sometimes have had very little money also awareness and education. I’ve never really “overcome” them, it’s more that I’m “overcoming” them. What some folks won’t understand is that lots people are Under Resourced in many ways, maybe most ways and it’s a never ending and often exhausting life that simply trying hard won’t change. Some of the least resourced people are also some of the hardest working. As uncomfortable as it is to accept some of us were born into a well resourced life. Doesn’t mean we don’t have our own struggles, of course we do. While I began life into the Under Resourced circumstances I’m talking about, at 57 can honestly say I am now a privileged person. I still have life long struggles, everyone does but I’ve found myself being a privileged man. So how did that happen? Well it wasn’t about hard work or being clever, it wasn’t about getting a well paid job and investing in the stock market and is wasn’t about “believing in myself” (can’t stand that term). Most of the reasons I am where I am are not really about things I did. I did participate but if I was a bit braver I could tell you a long list of the times I’ve undermined myself. Self Harm is a bit of a theme for me. Physical yes but I’m other ways as well. Hope that makes sense. Sadly when I’ve undermined myself it’s hasn’t been just me that experiences it. In addition to that there’s also a list of times that I simply didn’t have the inner resources to push through whatever it was that was causing stress so I gave up. So what am I grateful for?
Today I’m grateful for all the people in my life that never gave up on me ( at least not permanently). There have been dozens, hundreds of people who have somehow just kept loving me and were able to see I’m more than my shortcomings. Sallie is chief among them but there are so many I can’t count nor sadly can I name them all. The worst part of this is that at times I’ve been angry and critical at the people or person who has actually been supporting me. Again Sallie is chief among them.
Today I’m grateful for all who haven’t given up on me and I’m hoping I can do the same for others.
September 9th 2021
Attempting Gratitude in Lockdown. Today I woke up with my mind full of lyrics. The particular song was included on an album the year I was born, 1964. 57 years ago Bob Dylan sat at his typewriter (which he uses to write all his songs to this day) and typed the words, “Come gather round people wherever you roam, and admit that the waters around you have grown.”That opening line to “The Times are a Changing” has drifted into my mind ever since. Every time I feel out of depth or get an inkling that change is afoot I remember that the first step in change is to “admit that the waters around me have grown”. To look at myself as honestly as I can. I have always disliked older people complaining about younger people, I’m sure you’ve heard it, maybe even done it. Maybe it was Bob Dylan who set me up to feel excited by the rising generation. I love the Millennials and Gen Z and whoever comes next. I love how they think and how much I learn from them. Perhaps the secret to a society improving, progressing is contained in Dylan’s 4th verse.
“Come mothers and fathersThroughout the land don’t criticize what you can’t understandYour sons and your daughtersAre beyond your commandYour old road is rapidly agin’Please get out of the new oneIf you can’t lend your handFor the times they are a-changin’”My generation gets a bit grumpy when they feel young people don’t listen and respect us. I think my generations job isn’t to pass on unwanted advice and criticism about things we don’t under. It’s possible our task is to be available, to encourage and support and if we can’t do that then “please get out of the way if you can’t lend a hand”. Today I am grateful that “The times are a changin” and that I still get calls from the rising generation to knock things around together.
September 8th 2021
Attempting Gratitude in Lockdown. I’ve had the same doctor for at least 15 years, maybe longer. Apart from a few gaps I have a standing appointment every month and during more difficult times it’s every fortnight. She never rushes me out, always asks about my family, and almost always asks how my metal health is going. She listens with interest and importantly tells me how she’s going and even how her family is going. I always feel better after the appointment which sometimes lasts as long as 30 minutes. She’s even contributed to various charities I’ve been involved in. She is a really important part of my support system. If it’s possible I highly recommend finding a Doc you love and staying with them for the long term. Today I’m grateful for committed and caring professionals.
September 6th 2021
Attempting Gratitude in Lockdown. Simple today. I’m grateful for the podcast ASAP and I record every Sunday morning. We do a little prep but mostly it’s just us having a real conversation about marriage. Almost every week I have an epiphany simply by sitting and talking with my partner of 36 years. I learn something new about her almost every week! Today I’m grateful for “how to get away with Marriage”
I nod off pretty early so this is late for me. As I head to sleep just wanted to say how grateful I am for the little notes form people especially from folks who have had a few difficulties with their own dad. Tough day for many but if it helps I know lots of old fellas who consider people who didn’t do so well will their own dads, as “adopted” sons, daughters and otherwise of their very own.
September 5th 2021
Attempting Gratitude in Lockdown. Easy one today. It’s Fathers Day!I love Fathers Day. I know my family will contact me and say nice things. I’ll even get a pressie or two. Honestly it’s feels a little bit embarrassing but it’s also very cool to know people care. While I love Fathers Day and I’m fully grateful for it I’m also grateful that I am aware it’s not always a great day for everyone. I’m sure I don’t have to explain why. For some people being aware of other peoples sadness or hurt spoils the good feelings they want to have on a special day. Possibly I’ll get a comment or two saying I should just enjoy myself and don’t think about sad things. Here’s the point of gratitude for me. I learnt a long time ago that in a real life, a genuine life joy and sorrow don’t come and go. It’s not really up and down, at least not for me. In a consciously lived life the truth is joy and sorrow, they are in fact twins, maybe fraternal twins rather than identical twins but twins nonetheless. The richest, fullest lives I observe welcome both joy and sorrow at the same time. One doesn’t cancel the other, in fact I think it’s possible that they make each other have meaning. So today I have joy that I’ll have contact with my family and they’ll tell me they love me and I’ll have sorrow that others will experience much harder things. Please understand this isn’t about seeing someone’s hardship and feeling how lucky I am, I hate that notion, it’s self serving and just makes a person feel good about their circumstances. It’s not that. It is simply that pushing away others or my own sorrow leads me to an empty and superficial life. But welcoming and carrying both Joy and Sorrow, my own and others is the essence of what makes my life worth living. Today I’m grateful to welcome everything that comes to my door.
September 4th 2021
Gratitude in Lockdown. I don’t have many memories of my dad. He had childhood trauma to deal with. Knowing what I know about trauma now I get why he was like he was. However. One of my most treasured memories that regularly floats through my mind happened in 1980. I was about 15 and in grade 10. My last year at school. Long story short the band I was obsessed with was touring Australia and dad took me to Melbourne (my first time on a plane. They still had smoking sections then!). That concert is still one of the highlights of my life. Partly because of the band but mostly because my extended family helped get us there. I still remember being given a few dollars from different people the help. Today I’m grateful for the memory. I may only have a couple of them but when it floats by, this one fills me up.
September 3rd 2021
Gratitude in Lockdown I never really meant for this to more than a couple of comments but I’m finding it genuinely helpful for my own mental health. Today I’ve been thinking about my adult children. Earlier I called one of them to get advice. As I reflected on that call I realised that for quite a while now I’ve been learning from all my children. They say things in passing or ask me about things I’ve never really though about. I’ve always admired them of course but today I realised that they are all wise and insightful in different ways and to my absolute joy they are smarter and more integrated than I am. I cannot imagine anything that could possibly top that realisation. Everybody wants their children to do better than they did but to actually see it, to experience it and to benefit from it is surely the greatest thing I have ever received. Today I am Grateful for the superiority over their dad our kids have achieved.
September 2nd 2021
Gratitude in Lockdown Thursday nights are pizza nights. I make the dough and then keep the toppings simple. Tomato paste, cheese, pepperoni and just a few black olives. The secret ingredient that takes the pizza from being a nice treat to being an earth shattering, diabolical, life changing experience is provided by a mischievous friend. A bag full of Ghost Chilli’s (Clocking over 1 million on the Scoville Scale is the worlds 3rd hottest chilli). Sporting a pair of gloves I cut up one small chilli spreading it in tiny pieces over the pizza. I can’t handle more than a single bite but the true joy comes through watching others take it on and manage 1.2 slices. Today I’m grateful for Ghosts.
September 1st 2021
Attempting Gratitude in Lockdown. Some mornings are harder than others. I am grateful I can get an extra hot cappuccino in drive thru. Mask on of course. Simple things can make a lockdown day feel a little more bearable.
August 31st 2021
Attempting Gratitude in Lockdown. So this morning I was remembering a concert I attended in Launceston Tasmania in 1982. The artist was a singer songwriter called Randy Stonehill. A Christian artist with just a guitar, songs a pile of stories.little did I know that sitting somewhere in the audience was a young Sallie (Gourlay). We didn’t meet that night but we’re soon to at a drop-in centre around the corner. I’m grateful to John Guenther who for some reason gave me a free ticket to the concert and while I didn’t meet Sal that night I did make some life changing decisions. I’m grateful today for John.
August 30th 2021
Gratitude in Lockdown Yesterday arvo I got a phone call from a good friend and former colleague to say hi and check up how I’m doing. A raucous conversation ensued. (A very funny person). A few minutes in she said step out your front door for a sec. There she was, parked across the road waiving like a maniac with a big smile on her face. It was only a few minutes long but that chat and smiling face is what I’m grateful for today.
August 29th 2021
Gratitude in Lockdown Today I’m grateful that Sal and I got our second jab yesterday. We are both now fully vaccinated. In particular our doctor of about 17 years put us on the list way back so we got to have both shots in our local surgery. No waiting. I hope everyone has had theirs or booked in soon. Grateful today for vaccines.
August 28th 2021
Lockdown Gratitude Today I feel grateful for friends. Old friends, new friends even future friends. I’m conscious I’m not always the best kind of friend, I tend to come and go but to my delight I have great friends who don’t seem to care about that. As soon has their name appears in my phone or text it’s like we’ve never been apart. I think maybe the best friends know we all come and go a bit but the friendship is based on that reality rather than an imagined perfection. Today I’m grateful for friends.
August 27th 2021
Gratitude in lockdown. Today I’m grateful for our private space on a little deck off our bedroom. It was built by Sarah’s Hubby Jono Anderson and during lockdown has become a little oasis surrounded by a garden I’ve grown over the last 15 years. It’s such a privilege to have your own safe space and something I know many people don’t have. When I’m feeling a little lost I find my way here read, write and reflect until I feel a little more found. Today I am grateful.
August 26th 2021
Attempting Gratitude in Lockdown. Today I am grateful for the book Pedagogy of the Oppressed by Paulo Freire. A short but complex book I read when I was 19 with great difficulty. I pulled it off my bookshelf this week and began to read it again, 38 years later. I’m grateful because I have realised that book has shaped my way of seeing social justice including the hope that our whole society, from the wealthiest and most powerful through to those who have neither wealth nor power could move closer to one another. Pedagogy of the Oppressed asserts that it is only the Oppressed who can save the Oppressors. I feel like that book saved me from seeing myself as a victim and gave me a life long purpose. Very grateful today
August 25th 2021
Today I’m grateful for The Rolling Stones. The news this morning that Charlie has passed away had an unexpected effect on me. First I sod “NO” in a raised voice, then I thought about all the time I’ve been at parties with The Stones on the record player, cassette player, CD player and streaming service. “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you get what you need”Today I’m grateful for Charlie and the wisdom of The Rolling Stones.
August 24th 2021
Attempting Gratitude in Lockdown. This morning I was feeling grateful for my son and his partner who live in our bubble. Every Sunday they cook us bacon and eggs and serve perfect coffee. They call it breakfast at the Blue House Cafe. This week we’ll be having home cooked Thai Food thanks to our sons partner. I’m excited now waiting for tomorrow night to come around. Being excited isn’t really a feature of lockdowns so for their company, friendship and support I am grateful. (Also for Zorro their dog).
August 24th 2021
Attempting to develop gratitude during the lockdown. Was harder this morning, I had a painful sleepless night. Somewhere in the middle of the night my Significant Other was also awake and in a sleepy voice asked if I was ok and if I needed anything. She said she was sorry I was having a difficult night. That’s my grateful point this morning. Like most of us I don’t feel I’ve done much to deserve the kindness shown to me every day by Sallie. It’s hard to express what it means to have such a partner. Today I’m grateful.
August 23rd 2021
I’ve been reading some writings by Iris Marion’s Young on Feminist theory and Oppression. Absolutely riveting reading. Perhaps it was my upbringing out culture or more likely my own wilful ignorance? Whatever the reason I can honestly say I feel confronted, challenged and most of all inspired to face my own privilege and oppressive behaviour. I know folks who haaate this kind of stuff, mostly blokes I guess. I suspect they don’t feel particularly privileged. I look at my own significant other and see just how much I’ve been able to rely on the benefits of that relationship to built up my own sense of esteem, significance and status. This is my own reflection rather than something I’ve been told to think. Strangely to some folks I feel more and more complete with each discovery and each opportunity to surrender the power and status I have been given. I continue to read and be inspired.
August 22nd 2021
Today’s moment of gratitude popped into my mind early this morning. In amongst the awful lockdown: Today I am grateful for my friend, artist and “sister” Mb. At one of my lowest moments this year MB reached out and asked if we could do a project together. She wouldn’t know but it was like she cracked open the curtains to let the sun in. Out of that MB and I made some special sets of earrings. I made the pieces and she painted them. She is a Gamilaroi person who is also a wonderful artist. Our first test piece was a birthday present for my mum. MB painted an old silver soup spoon I had fashioned into a kind of turtle. She included the following description of the meaning of her design. “Mother, son & the stars.Even if the stars are the only thing you share. You will always be mother and son and find ways to come together and connect.”How could I not be grateful!
August 21st
As difficult as lockdowns are I’m trying to think of something positive every day. Today I had 3. 1. Not paying tolls 2. Not buying petrol3. My mum hasn’t got Covid